Finding courage and laughter...

I try to laugh often.  I find that it keeps me moving.  Just when things seem overwhelming, I find myself laughing uncontrollably... usually at myself.  Is that weird?  As I've gotten to know myself better, I'm come to the realization that some neuroses are ok.  You know... I'm fine with the fact that when I feel like life is gettting the best of me, my solution is to ransack the fridge and throw away everything that has been in there longer than 2 months - regardless of the expiration date (hey, it's better than eating everything that's been in the fridge longer than 2 months, right?).  I'm alright with the fact that it's ok for me to leave my photography gear, fabric, props, etc, sitting out, but the second Jeff sets one single notebook down, I let him know very nicely that I'd prefer if he cleaned up after himself.  I mean seriously... how rude of him to be such a slob!  I'm really quite comfortable with the idea that while I've got a million things on my plate, I always seem to find just enough time to watch The Real Housewives of... (you name it... I watch most of them).  C'mon - priorities people!  It's just me... and I'm ok with that.  I spent my 20's trying to figure out who the heck this crazy lady named Leah was, and now, in my (insert gasp here) 30's, I'm pretty darn happy with the person my 20's created.  That being said... life does seem to be a process of sorts, huh? 

When I first started photography, I was supported by so many wonderful people.  People who continued to tell me that I could do this, that I was "good enough."  That one took me awhile to believe - and honestly, there are times still when I wonder, but they are getting fewer and farther between.  BUT (and there's always a "but," isn't there?).  But...there were people who also weren't so supportive.  In fact, I had one "friend" tell me that my camera wasn't nice enough, my lenses weren't expensive enough, and that I hadn't taken enough classes.  While what she was saying was partly true - my camera wasn't top of the line, my lens was an entry level lens, and I'd only taken one weekend workshop, I just had to believe that she wasn't right.  Although... in my "greenhorn" eyes (Yup... that's right, I not only make time for The Real Housewives, but I'm also OBSESSED with Deadliest Catch), I was inclined to believe her.  So, I decided I wasn't good enough.  I let her words sink deep into my soul and that was it.  I wasn't going to take pictures for people... this was not my "thing."  I was lucky though.  Two things happened:  

First...  another friend told me that camera's don't take pictures, people do.  You can have the nicest camera in the world and take a crappy picture.  And, you can have a really inexpensive camera and can capture beautiful images.

Second... Photography found me.  Dorky, I know, but oh so true.  I never set out to be a photographer.  I never dreamed that people would hire me.  I never imagined the overwhelming response this business would get.  I never thought I could do it... but through all that doubt, every time I picked up my camera, I felt confident.  The stress, the doubt, the negativity all melted away and it was me with my camera... and it felt just perfect... it still feels just perfect.

So... over the coming weeks, I'm hoping to share more and more of my journey with you. I have to believe that there are other people out there who just want to grow and take better pictures. If there's any way I can be like my second friend was and encourage you in your journey... then this will all be worth it. Here are a few photos from my very first venture into portrait photography (remember... this is a space of non-judgment!).

I call this next one "Give me my damn carrots lady!"

And here are a few from a session I had this spring.  What a difference a couple years can make!

Now... on a side note.  You may be wondering 'where is that first friend?'  Who the f- knows?  Honestly, haven't seen or heard from her since.  All I know is that she wasn't right and instead of being a friend, she became a "friend." 

Back to laughing.  My goal with these personal posts is two-fold.  To help you understand,deep in your soul, that when something finds you, you should trust that it's found you for a reason.  And secondly... to make you laugh, if even just a little, even if it's laughing AT me and not WITH me.  Hey... I'm happy to help in any way I can.  ;)